Gifts For The Goth Mom In Your Life
Or: How to please the dark lady you love
As a goth mom, I understand the difficulty you face in choosing an appropriate gift for the goth mom in your life. Maybe she’s your mom. Maybe she’s your partner. Maybe she’s your sister. Maybe she’s you. No matter who she is, your goth mom has a heart of obsidian, and she deserves the best. We all wish we had more time to seek out the dark forces and join their hellish crusade, but we understand that sometimes candles and cozy knits are the closest we can get to that. Maybe these are just things I want for myself. Maybe I should be studying. Don’t tell me what to do. I’m the mom here. Go to your room.
Magickal Protection Slouchy T-shirt from Cat Coven, $30.00
All cats are inherently goth. All goths are inherently cat people. I don’t make the rules.
Neva Nude Studded Face Mask Cover, $24.99
Ok, come on. This rules. As someone who regularly wishes she had spikes to keep most people at least 6' away, pandemic notwithstanding, I need this in my life. Nature’s way of saying, “Do not touch.”
Nooch Enamel Pin, $10
All vegans are goth, but not all goths are vegan. The Venn diagram is nearly a circle, though. Pretty Candy makes incredible pins and accessories and they’re all super reasonably priced. Get this and the Flour pin for good measure (get it?).
Dickies Juniors Collared Jumpsuit, $80
This jumpsuit has changed my goddamned life. I’m wearing it right now. It is extremely comfortable and cozy, and surprisingly flattering. ‘90s you would be so proud of you in this.
Banana Republic Black Beach Hat, $30.98
Goth moms need protection from the sun year-round. Take advantage of winter sales and get her an adorable wide-brimmed sunhat to wear while she’s tending to her winter garden.
Evercare Giant Roller, $7.99
See above Re: cats. We need these, constantly.
https://www.anthropologie.com/shop/good-day-glass-candle
Good Night Candle, $22.00
Candles are tricky, because scent is such a personal thing. If it comes in a black jar, though, chances are the scent is goth, too.
Booked For Meow Knee High Socks, $12
Knee-high socks? Goth. Even the bright ones. Sock It To Me rules. They make wide-calf socks, too! Get some for the whole goth fam!
Novacas Teddy Sandals, $80
Kat von D’s vegan shoes are trash and so is she. I mean seriously, what in the Ontario Mills Outlet Mall Hot Topic is this garbage? (Note: TWO! HUNDRED! BUCKS!!) Novacas has been making high-quality vegan shoes for way longer, and these vegan Birkenstock-esque slides are sure to please the Morticia you love.
Now finish up your homework and come help Mommy dye her hair, would you?
